Remembering you

There are some people who walk into your life, touch you, care for you and you want them to stay. *Be friends for ever*. But what if, they are looking for something more?

"S" was just a collegue in my undergraduate college. We both were in different majors and so the interaction in those days was no more than "hi" and "hello". She was one of my friend's girl friend's best friend. After graduation, she got a job in Bombay and I came to do my masters in US. There was a tragedy in her life and I emailed her my condolences. Little did I know that the email would bring us closer.
We began exchanging emails daily. We would talk about our schedules, work and little things going on in our lives. It was more of getting to know each other. I had made a new friend in her. We had common interests and I would look forward to her replies to my email.
She got an opportunity to come to US on a company project. She was excited about it and grabbed it. The written conversations were now replaced by talking on the phone. She hardly knew any one in this country so I would try to make myself available for her whenever she felt lonely.

Like in all friendships, we would have our share of arguements too. She was someone who would get upset easily over trivial issues. Bang the phone down and then I would have to coax her and pacify here. It started to irritate me when this started happening way too often, but then I would let it go, considering the loneliness and being all by herself was taking its toll on her.

I got a job on the west coast. The three hour time difference now made it more difficult to communicate with her on a daily basis. I would have just gotten back home from work/gym and it would almost be her bed time. I couldn't simply put other things on a hold, and devote time to talk to her. I would try to make her understand that she was calling me up when she was free, done with her chores and had time on hand, but I wasn't free then. I would often encourage her to mix with collegues in office, make new friends out there and so she wouldnt feel alone.

During one such regular conversation, where I was trying to cheer her up and ask her to invite some collegues home, so she would get to know them better. She curtly shot back that why I was always trying to push her away from me. Thats when it struck me that she was expecting something more than friendship from me. But from myside, I had could only see her a friend, someone who I cared for. I never saw myself taking it to the next level with her.

But my carings for her, my words, the comfort level she felt talking to me made her wish for something more. I couldnt not give her that at this time and neither did I want her to live in hopes that it could happen in the future. What if it didn't.

It was her decision that we better stop talking to each other then as it would only make her wish for more. I was clear in my stand that if she ever needed a friend, I would be a phone call away.
Its been 5 months since we spoke. I remember her when I see the red tshirt she gave me in the wadrobe, I think of her when I see her name in the phone book. At times, I want to know if she is doing fine. But it was her decision that we don't stay in touch.
Its her birthday today I can only wish her happy returns in my mind.

Is it so simple to simply remove someone from your thoughts....from your life?